The Quest for Personal Success, the Need for Team Success - A Personal Reflection on a Season of Res

This year I was lucky enough to be entrusted with the responsibility of being the YMCA 2nd XI captain for their 2018 campaign in Division 3. During the year, I encountered things that I’ve never had to deal with before. It was a learning curve that I felt I needed for myself, challenging both my ability and my knowledge of the game. As I continued to quest to perform at the best of my ability for the highest team possible at YMCA, I needed to ensure standards for the 2nds were kept both high and clinical.

I got the offer about captaincy from Alan Lewis in the middle of the March. It was Lewie himself who was stepping down to focus more on coaching. I accepted the offer, I was pleased to be able to put my mark on the team that I had become a regular of in the previous few seasons. I was keen to implement a few things into my role; to promote youth, to improve on last season’s performance and most importantly, to bowl our overs quickly! Nothing annoys me more than a slow over rate.

It was an early start to the season for me as I was in the 1s for their trip to Merrion on the 21st April. With the rest of the Premier Division off through the awful Winter we had, a fairly big crowd was present at Anglesea Road. It was probably the most tense game of the season that I played in. Harry Tector and penalty runs brought us home to win by a wicket chasing 245. My contribution was a scratchy 4 in the run chase, the less said the better. A big win to start the season and the 2s starting the following day, it was a dream beginning.

We arrived at Leinster the following day for my opening game as captain, and it was nothing short of a farce. We were playing a Division 3 match on an artificial surface, I had got the start time wrong and we had the wrong ball. To add to this we were bundled out for 170 and it was chased easily. My bubble had been completely burst, it might be a longer, harder season than I might have imagined.

I had spent the week leading up to weekend number two reflecting on what had been a very average start. Personally, I had scored twelve runs. It wasn’t good enough. The 1s were at home to Phoenix, I managed 19 in a total of 205 and we won the game by 25 runs through a terrific effort from our bowlers. Playing with the likes of Simi Singh and Jarred Barnes was some experience. They added a combination of quality, drive and knowledge. I was glad I was on their side rather than against anyway. The following day, the 2s rolled Pembroke for 120 and despite another no-show from me, my opening partner for the majority of the year, Aviral Shukla, made sure the game was in safe keeping. Av is one of the more underrated players in Leinster cricket, he shows great control with the ball and is a very fluent batsman who just needs a few big scores for his confidence. We always joke how the two of us combined would be a great player. We ended with a 6 wicket win, that was more like it.

The Monday bank-holiday was a treble weekend for me. I didn’t play any contributing factors in a loss and a win for the 1s respectively against The Hills and North County. I felt good to be part of a 1s setup, however, I was probably getting a little bit comfortable with the surroundings. The two games sandwiched a 2s game away to Clontarf. Having restricted them to 190, my gutsy and painfully slow 57 kept us in the game but a middle order collapse left us on the brink. However, Aaron Bailey, an established 1s player from a few years back, scored 13 runs in the last over to win the game with only a solitary wicket in hand. I remember letting out a roar of satisfaction with my young teammates on the benches out in Clontarf. I was pumped. I was fired up. It was a crucial win.

A welcome free weekend for the Test Match was followed by another 1s game in the Irish Cup, again I didn’t bat or bowl. Not that any team in the club would allow me to bowl. It was a tough situation, I was loving playing on the 1s. Yet, nothing could make me stop thinking about how I wasn’t actually contributing. My concentrations on the 1s led to another failing for the 2s at home to the Hills, when we made 202 and despite them being 101-2 at drinks, we won the game by 33 runs. It was a relief and I was glad that at least the team seemed to be clicking, despite personally not producing. The Monday night was a Tillian Cup match away to Malahide, I told the lads to bat with freedom and I batted down the order. We were 9-4 after five overs. We lost the game by two wickets. The most satisfying part of the night was a pint in Gibney’s after the game. Another case of the less said the better about the match.

The following week saw my departure from the 1s, after being replaced by PJ Moor who was in town for a few weeks. It is not nice to be dropped and even worse to drop someone, as I would find out later in the year. I guess I saw it coming though and even though I played that weekend for the 1s on the Sunday in the Leinster Senior Cup, I played no part again. I was frustrated, I felt I wasn’t get any opportunity to prove myself. However, I had not warranted much opportunity, my performances for the 2s were letting me down.

I was out of the team the following week also, so my focuses completely turned towards the 2s, probably where they should have been all along. In the Senior 2 Cup, we bowled out Phoenix for 150 with even myself bagging two wickets, before scoring a fluent 65 to lead us to a 7 wicket win. I was really happy with the team, we were coming to the boil nicely. It was becoming a pleasure to captain the side. The following week we beat North County by six wickets with Tim Tector cashing in on his promise with 75*. It was five 50 over wins in a row, I was back properly enjoying my 2nd team cricket.

Due to a return to form and Simi’s absence I was thrust back into the 1s to face Waringstown away in the Irish Senior. I relinquished my captaincy for the day to JJ Cassidy, our resident keeper as I played up North. I got the opportunity I had been searching for at the top of the order for the 1s, however it wasn’t a memorable experience. I nicked a Phil Eaglestone lifter for 1 in the second over and we were all out for 80. Despite a spirited effort with the ball, we were never in the game and lost by 7 wickets. Back in YM, the 2s had thrashed North Kildare by 8 wickets chasing 90. The 2s team were the team inform within the club, it was a good feeling knowing I had that to go back to. I knew my next chance near the top of the order for the 1s was a long time away.

The following week I played a double weekend for the 1s. I was involved in two T20 games out in North County which we won through some pyrotechnics from Asher, Oli and Tim. I contributed a 14* in the second game to get us over the line. The following day, with an injury depleted team, we were chasing 260 in the 40 over Leinster Senior Cup away to Tarf. I walked to the wicket at 80-6 and despite Jarred and I putting on 40 odd, we were bowled out for 135. It felt nice to get a 20, to just remind myself that I could score some runs at that level. However, the deafening silence in the changing room when you lose by over 100 runs quickly puts things in perspective.

I was back to the 2s next week in the Quarter-Final of the Cup and we beat County by 4 wickets. It should have been easier but a little middle-order shake made us work hard. The following week we were out in Phoenix in the league on the Saturday as there was no 1s game. It had been a difficult week for me. Having handled a selection issue poorly, I had been inundated with people giving me their two cents worth. I can assure you that hindsight captaincy or armchair captaincy is far easier. I was angry leading up to the game, feeling that I needed a way to get everyone off my case. Chasing 220, I felt in good nick all day and survived a chance on around 80. With 1 to win, I was on 96*. I had decided that I would go for it, I swung hard and clocked a six into the car park at Phoenix. I ran down the crease in jubilation letting out at this stage, a customary ‘Blair White roar’. It had been such a relief, a first ton in four years, a first six in two years and a win all in the same moment, not to mention the weak of annoyances I had. I looked at the Division 3 table that night, a double might be on I thought. We had won eight straight.

I should have known that cricket has an outstanding ability to level you very quickly. The following Wednesday, playing a crucial league game at home to Merrion, I caught a ball at mid-wicket near the end of the innings. It felt painful the moment it hit the hand, I looked down to see a blood clot on my small finger. I wasn’t able to bat and I was off to the Blackrock Clinic. A dislocated finger and a fracture was the verdict, about a month out. This the day after getting the news that I would be opening for the 1s that weekend. Cricket can be a cruel game. I turned up to the 1s game vs Leinster on the Saturday, it felt quite comical actually. Jack Tector and I (1st and 2nd XI Captains) lapping the ground both with fractured fingers. It was quite farcical.

With my injury, I was able to take a few weeks away from the game. Not much ended up happening in my absence for the 2s, with just one game, a league win away to Merrion under Sam Streek the only game I missed. I was quite lucky. I returned for a home game against Phoenix and we clambered over the line with a four wicket win. I felt we were slightly losing our grip though, complacency was setting in. I saw it happening and yet I didn’t know how to stop it.

We had our Senior 2 Cup Semi-Final away to Railway on the Sunday. Having been 50-0 batting first, we were all out for 110. Despite it being a testing pitch, it was nowhere near good enough and Railway played with no fear in the chase, knocking it off 4 down. I was furious. It was our chance to get to a big final and we blew it. I didn’t know how I felt, it was a combination of anger and disappointment. I blamed myself, it was another time I had got into the 30s and had not kicked on. Should I have bowled first? Should I have been more aggressive? I felt sick. The perils of captaincy. The following day I was out in County to play for the 1s with Tim Tector away with the Irish 15s. Chasing 270 out in County wasn’t a forlorn hope and I got my chance at the top of the order. However, after withstanding a bumper barrage from Richardson and Sheridan, I guided a half-hearted uppercut straight to slip on 3. I sat in the changing room contemplating what I had just done. I had simply guided my hopes of playing another game for the 1s this season straight into the hands of their pro, you don’t get those ones back. We lost by 170 runs. Not the return I had hoped for.

The following week was not much better. Playing at home to Clontarf 2s, our keeper SJ got a similar knock on the finger to me and had to leave the field. It then took about ten overs for common sense to prevail and after various arguments with the on field umpires, we were allowed to bring on a sub fielder. It was ludicrous. In the game itself, we restricted them to 200-9 having been 120-2 at drinks. Our chase was looking poised at 90-1 but a combination of poor shot selection and a certain unnamed umpire becoming very trigger happy with his LBW appeals, we fell thirty runs short. I felt things were just falling down around me. Two weeks ago we were top of the league and favourites for the cup. Now, we were out of the cup and in need of Merrion to drop a lot of points if we were going to win the league or even finish 2nd. We had blown it all away, in the space of a fortnight.

With the season slightly coming off the rails, it was very hard to get motivated for a T20 refix away to County midweek. With a YM shortage of wicket-keepers, it was time for me to stick the gloves on. Luckily it absolutely bucketed down and the game was called off, more points dropped but perhaps not the worst result. That weekend, the 1s and 2s were both called off, our reason was for North Kildare not being able to field a team. It’s a shame what has happened to them this year, I used to enjoy playing out in the Maws. However, it was good to get winning points on the board for the first time in a while.

It was hard not to be drawn into the end of season feelings at this stage but I knew I had to keep my energy up. If I went down, my team would to. We had three games left to go, and if we won all three I thought we had a good chance of finishing in the top two. And after receiving an email midweek telling me that if we finished in the top two, we would be promoted. However, soon after, a CricketEurope article was posted which I didn’t particularly agree with, as can happen with Journalism. It was saying how 2nd XI sides shouldn’t be allowed in Division 2, saying that it was not good for the game of cricket. For some reason this really annoyed me. It was the perfect fire I needed to get up for the last few games starting with The Hills away. Having made 206 with yet another start from myself and some lower order runs from Wilhelm and Jay, we bowled superbly to restrict them. Winning by 25 runs. Raj Chawla had been our premier bowler all year, and in my eyes, if he still had the time to train properly, he would be a 1s player. He certainly showed he was too good for Div 3 this year. I was more chatty than usual in the field, roaring out “Division 2 sounds good to me” at any stage we had gained an advantage. One win down, two to go.

During the week, I got a pleasant surprise as I was brought into the 1s last minute for their T20 refix away to Clontarf. I knew I wouldn’t be doing much but any game for the 1s is an event in my eyes. Despite feeling a little hard done by batting at 10, I made 1* off the 2 balls that I faced. Harry Tector batted superbly to get 65 as we made 124-8 in our 20. Seemingly a little light. However, I decided that I would go by the old adage of ‘controlling the controllables’. So that meant one thing, I was going to be noisy in the field. I thought this way that I was more involved in the game, and so it proved as I got a catch and we somehow won the game by two runs, killing Clontarf’s league push in the process. Padraic Flanagan (Flan), had his best spell of the season and once again Asher produced the goods at the death. Ash is one of those guys with a terrific amount of talent, but sometimes just needs to be talked through things. If you want a plan executed, he is one of the best in Leinster, especially when bowling his yorkers. The win reminded me of what it was like to be involved in a winning 1s team, a feeling I hadn’t felt for a very long time, and there is no better feeling in club cricket.

Yet again though, just when I thought the season was building to a lovely crescendo, my team was dealt the hammer blow. Having allowed Leinster slip from 81-5 to 266 all out, the chase always seemed unlikely. And although there was some very accomplished innings from Mitchell Thompson and Jacques Zaayman, we failed to get over the line by 5 runs. 5 runs short of winning the league, 5 runs short of getting promoted. It was a very hollow feeling, knowing that due to Merrion and Pembroke’s wins, our season was over. I was sitting on the steps of the YMCA pavillion, despondent. As is usually the case, I blamed a lot of it on myself. I had never returned to any sort of form after my injury, and therefore hadn’t cashed in with the vital runs when it mattered. My final five innings consisted of 30,35,12,34 and 19. It wasn’t enough. We had one more game to secure a consolation victory over Pembroke and that’s the way I had to look at it.

At this point of the season it was easy to become quite reflective. It had been good year but it constantly felt like it could have been that bit better. Also, I was constantly being reminded by people that seemed to know better that certain people should have played more games and others less. Sometimes I knew it was to try and wind me up and it did so successfully. Comments about my captaincy from outsiders frustrated me, considering my actual teammates had no issues all season. I have no regrets with any of the decisions I made this year and I would stand by all the players I picked.

So the final weekend of the season had finally arrived with the 1s and 2s due to play Pembroke. As I expected, I wasn’t present in the 1s side and they lost heavily. In doing so, JJ Cassidy had injured his hand keeping for the 1s and was unable to keep for the 2s then the following day. In one of the more rogue adventures of the season, I took the gloves the following day. I did alright, dropped a couple, caught one and only allowed five byes. It was a tidy effort from everyone, reducing our local neighbours to 190. Opening up facing David Murphy was always going to be lively, he had played Warwickshire 2s only a month previous. The third ball of the innings, I timed probabaly my best shot of the season through the covers for four. My biggest ever mistake. The following ball carted me on the helmet and brought a pain that I had never experienced before. It was somewhat frightening, I was dazed and for a while I was seeing double. My partner, Shuks, spent three overs convincing me to go off and I eventually gave in. I didn’t want to go off, I didn’t want to show weakness. Yet, I had to, I wasn’t right.

The game itself progressed with Pembroke taking advantage of a middle-order collapse to gain a massive upper-hand. Devansh Singh, or Dave as he is known to us, had started scoring runs as if they were running out of fashion for the 3s and took that form into this game. Alongside Raj, who wouldn’t even be a self-confessed good batsman, but always has one big knock in him a year. This was the day. We lost Dave and Mikey quickly which left us with in effect one wicket left, with me in the changing rooms contemplating whether I should risk going out to bat if needed. Cillian McDonnell, also not the most natural batsman dug in superbly but with four to win he nicked Murphy to slip. I would by lying if I said it didn’t satisfy me ever so slightly walking out to at least temporarily stop Pembroke’s title celebrations.

I managed to block my first ball but with a yorker that I did not pick up, I was struck dead in front LBW. In a moment of pure fortune, I wasn’t given out and I managed to sneak through for a leg-bye. Raj needed no second invitation to finish it there and then, crashing a ball through the covers to send me at the other end berserk. It was a fitting way for us to finish the season, with a nervy, tight finish. Something the team had become far too accustomed to this year.

I had put pressure on myself and the team all year and finally I could relax. The reasons for the pressure are solely internal, I’m an addict to winning and I live in fear of losing. I’m an addict to winning moments, tight finishes, having myself or someone on my team be the hero. That’s my unique way, I’m never able to do anything by the book. My batting would also suggest that.

I managed to convince the majority of the team to stay back either for a drink in Pembroke or later, go for a pizza in Pete’s in Sandymount. As I sat back, I couldn’t have been prouder of the bunch of players I had captained. The team itself was the sole reason it was such an enjoyable experience. It had become a very close knit group of players over the year.

As it is YMCA Cricket Club, it was never going to be plain sailing and there were times during the year that things really frustrated me, most of which were brought on by losing. However, I would never be ashamed to be a YM man, a one club man. It is a club that has given me opportunities I could never have dreamed of. YM is a club that also loves winning and hates losing. My unique aspect is ingrained in my club. I would never have it any other way.